I thought if I prayed enough, loved you enough, had enough faith, went to church enough, sang enough Christian songs and read enough scripture that my pain would go away. That my body would be healed, my tears would dry up, my worries would go away and everything would be alright. None of those things I want have come to pass but somehow I still love you and my love continues to grow for you.
If I’m honest, the most I have is calmness on some days and a feeling of numbness on other days. Somehow, I still love you, still believe in you, still have faith and still pressing through. I still believe in your process but if I’m honest, I’m hurting right now. I’m trying to see things the way I know you can work it out, but I’m having a hard time looking past what I physically see.
My physical sight is so much stronger than my spiritual sight. The reality is, I’ve used my physical sight for so long that I must use my spiritual sight twice as hard for it to be seen. I know that my ultimate test is being able to you see You as clear as I see my problems. I must learn that my spiritual vision is stronger and contains Your truth more than my physical vision. Once I tap into my spiritual vision my breakthrough will occur.
God, I’m hurt and I’m struggling but I still love you. Each day the world seems colder and colder and my pain intensifies. I get a little weary and feel a little helpless but I still love you. The church has taught me to cast my cares on you and all will be fine. Most days I assume I’m doing it wrong because casting my cares on you God leaves me on my knees with a stream of tears running down my face. But I’m still in love with you.
God, what I am offering you is nothing more than a wounded worship. I’m offering you a wounded worship because all I have left are my tears and a broken heart. If I’m honest, I’m struggling each day to keep trusting you, trusting in the process and in my struggle. I really don’t see things getting better but for some reason I love you more and more and trust you more and more. Though I’m hurting in the inside God, I still thank you, though I have to cry privately to get through my days, I still love you. Though I have to pretend that I’m OK, You’re still wonderful and though I’m wounded, I will still worship you.